This post is quite personal. My little boy is growing up. 11 months old now. Am I missing it all? I try to remind myself that I've only been working mostly full time for a short while, but I'm worried I am missing it all. I've been praying daily for guidance. I know that the Lord knows me. Personally. He knows my struggles. He knows what lies ahead. Only He can direct me to those things that will be for my good. Can I make it working full time? Should I just stay home? Like I said these are very personal decisions. I love what I do for work. I love that I get to interact with children. I love that I get to work with my 3 oldest kids. I enjoy my work day when I am there. But at night, when I see their sleeping faces, I wonder.
Probably most working moms feel this way. I have felt some jealously as of late. I don't have a brand new home, I don't have a paved driveway, I don't have even 1000 sq ft of house. And then I Stop and remember
I HAVE 4 beautiful healthy children
I Have a husband who adores me and I him
I Have the gospel of Jesus Christ in my life
I Have the love and support of my family
I Have wonderful parents and In Laws
I Have so many wonderful things.
Darn Pride! Told you it was personal. So, the struggle within continues. We each have our own path and our own struggles. But somedays is certainly seems greener on the other side of the pasture!
Probably I should go read about Job!
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Peace Like A River
It's taken me quite some time to get to this post. But I really wanted to share my feelings from Aunt Clara's funeral. Sunday May 3rd we recieved a phone call from Winslow's mom saying Aunt Clara had passed away. She was just shy of her 60th birthday. It came as quite a surprise. She was having some health issues, but nothing we believed to be life threatning. It seems so far that she was having problems with her liver that were masked by her kidneys. We are still waiting on all the results. Suffice it to say that Saturday afternoon, she laid down to take a nap and did not wake up. We decided immediately that we wanted to go as a family to Salt Lake for the funeral. In the mean time we were bombarded with illnesses, Winslow having an acute case of the flu, Abby having high fevers, stomach pain, and swollen lymph nodes on her face. Abby even got to have an abdominal CT scan. TOUGH GIRL!!! We were grateful for prayers that helped to make everyone well in time to go to Salt Lake. We found such peace when we arrived at Uncle George's house. In Utah, the tulips were still blooming, the lilacs smelling so sweet, and everything so green. There was such a peace in George and Clara's home. Cousin Terrey and Janessa were there. Terrey is about my age and Janessa is a Senior in high school. We enjoyed the company of much family. Aunts, uncles, cousins, brothers, sisters, and friends came to love and support. When I had a quite moment I walked thru the home and just felt of Aunt Clara's lingering spirit. I sang softly to myself Janice Kapp Perry's song "An Early Goodbye."
This is the song that was song at my brother's funeral and it brought tears and peace, if you can imagine both at once. Shortly before the viewing uncle George explained that the viewing would be held in the Primary room, this was because there were two doors to the room that would accomadate better flow of people. And especially because "Aunt Clara preffered the Primary anyway!" When we entered the building they had a still picture video of Aunt Clara playing. And then we entered the primary room. Most of you know that this years theme for primary is MY ETERNAL FAMILY. The room was filled with things that represented this and I was so struck with this message. And there above Aunt Clara's casket were posted the scripture for the month and the article of faith they were working on.
A of F number three
We believe that thru the Atonement of Christ all mankind may be saved by obedience to the laws and ordinances of the gospel.
Yes, the primary room was the perfect place for us to bid goodbye to Aunt Clara's mortal body for a time.
Saturday's funeral was amazing. Aunt Clara did so much in her brief earthly life. She was a friends to all. She had a sweet and calming presence. You were drawn to her in quiet ways. She was avid in her family history. She was an amazing mother, wife and grandmother.
For the closing song Janessa and her high school madrigal choir sang "Peace Like A River." The spirit was so strong, and thru all the sobbing I could feel the hosts of Heaven surrounding us. Words trully cannot capture the depth of emotion I felt as I listened to this song.
I was so grateful to have come. I cannot begin to imagine the emotions and sorrow of losing my mother. I pray daily for Janessa and Terrey and Uncle George. The day following the funeral was mother's day. I don't know if I could have born it. My mother is my best friend, and I know Janessa and Terrey feel that way about their mom. How to bear such sorrow and grief. Only with the knowledge sure and true that Familes Are Eternal. I know that thru the sealing powers of the priesthood in sacred Temples of our Lord, families are sealed together Forever. And that thru obdience to gospel principle and thru the power of the Atonement we will be together again. Aunt Clara was proceeded in death by her infant son and her parents. I am sure there was great rejoicing on the other side of the veil as she returned HOME. May we each live, so that when we come Home, we can rejoice together as families.
This is the song that was song at my brother's funeral and it brought tears and peace, if you can imagine both at once. Shortly before the viewing uncle George explained that the viewing would be held in the Primary room, this was because there were two doors to the room that would accomadate better flow of people. And especially because "Aunt Clara preffered the Primary anyway!" When we entered the building they had a still picture video of Aunt Clara playing. And then we entered the primary room. Most of you know that this years theme for primary is MY ETERNAL FAMILY. The room was filled with things that represented this and I was so struck with this message. And there above Aunt Clara's casket were posted the scripture for the month and the article of faith they were working on.
A of F number three
We believe that thru the Atonement of Christ all mankind may be saved by obedience to the laws and ordinances of the gospel.
Yes, the primary room was the perfect place for us to bid goodbye to Aunt Clara's mortal body for a time.
Saturday's funeral was amazing. Aunt Clara did so much in her brief earthly life. She was a friends to all. She had a sweet and calming presence. You were drawn to her in quiet ways. She was avid in her family history. She was an amazing mother, wife and grandmother.
For the closing song Janessa and her high school madrigal choir sang "Peace Like A River." The spirit was so strong, and thru all the sobbing I could feel the hosts of Heaven surrounding us. Words trully cannot capture the depth of emotion I felt as I listened to this song.
I was so grateful to have come. I cannot begin to imagine the emotions and sorrow of losing my mother. I pray daily for Janessa and Terrey and Uncle George. The day following the funeral was mother's day. I don't know if I could have born it. My mother is my best friend, and I know Janessa and Terrey feel that way about their mom. How to bear such sorrow and grief. Only with the knowledge sure and true that Familes Are Eternal. I know that thru the sealing powers of the priesthood in sacred Temples of our Lord, families are sealed together Forever. And that thru obdience to gospel principle and thru the power of the Atonement we will be together again. Aunt Clara was proceeded in death by her infant son and her parents. I am sure there was great rejoicing on the other side of the veil as she returned HOME. May we each live, so that when we come Home, we can rejoice together as families.
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